


Blame It All On Past Life Tragedy

by lisawid



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Actually second first date, Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And second first kiss, Book 6: City of Heavenly Fire, COHF, First Dates, First Kiss, M/M, Malec Week, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Simon and Alec switched places in Edom, but oh well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisawid/pseuds/lisawid
Summary: And maybe the reason for Magnus feeling as if he'd been missing something vital ever since their return was that hewasmissing said something.Alec volunteers to sacrifice his memories in order to save everyone - including Magnus and himself - from Edom. Will the others be able to give him his memories back? And what happens when a mundane Alec meets amagicalsomeone who seems to invoke way too many feelings in him right from the start?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my first fanfic ever, so I would absolutely **love** to hear what you liked/disliked/loved/hated about it. I got inspired to write this after reading _Descensus Averno facilis est_ by scottmchungup so go give it a read!
> 
> Shoutout to Dani who convinced me to write this (let me know if you spot any typos haha)!
> 
> Title is from Wide Eyed by Billy Lockett because who didn't die after watching 2x18?

The past few weeks had been challenging for Magnus, to say the least. Everything had changed after he had returned from Edom with the shadowhunters and a particularly annoying vampire he wouldn't have minded to leave behind there. He felt like his heart had been ripped into pieces only to be arranged back together with a piece missing. A huge, significant piece missing. And maybe the reason for him feeling as if he'd been missing something vital ever since their return was that he was missing said something.

He could still remember it all so clearly. Everything had happened in a matter of seconds. His father demanding memories – _a whole lifetime of memories_ – as payment for sending them back to Idris. It should have been obvious that _he_ would be the one to volunteer. _His Alexander_. Always trying to protect and save the people he loved (even if he would never admit that he cared for Clary or Simon).

And of course his father jumped at the opportunity to not only take a beloved friend from Magnus, but the man he loved so dearly. It really did sound like the plot of a bad movie – him getting saved by Alexander from literal hell only to lose him shortly afterwards. Maybe this was what he deserved for ever leaving him in the first place.

The bare thoughts of what had happened initiated heart-wrenching pain. He knew he wasn't the only one suffering from the loss, but he just couldn't seem to move past his own pain, guilt and even anger to share some of the weight that had been placed upon his heart. Even though he knew how miserable Isabelle, Jace and even Clary must have been feeling as well, he couldn't bear looking into their eyes filled with sorrow. Not when he felt like it was all his fault. They had lost their brother, their friend, only because he had blindly walked into the trap of the Seelies.

It had been weeks since they returned from the hell realm but he still felt as if he was still there. As if his father was still sucking his magic and his life force out of him. As if he couldn't breathe with Alexander no longer being there. They had been broken up before this whole mess had taken place, but he had still been _Alec_ \- hunting demons, shooting arrows as if he had been born to do so and never leaving his siblings' sides. But now he was simply gone.

The new Alexander didn't know how to even hold a bow. He didn't know about the annoyance of a brother he used to call his parabatai. He didn't know about the angelic beauty of his sister. And he didn't know about the love he and Magnus once shared – the love Magnus still held on to.

Magnus had searched for him after his father had sent them all back to Idris. Only Alec had been missing when they all awoke in the Hall of the Accords. “How fitting,” Magnus had thought. Of course Asmodeus had to choose the place where their relationship officially began to be the place where he had to wake up after losing the boy he had come to love so deeply.

It took Magnus longer than usual to find him in his newly aquired life. His father must have put some kind of glamour or spell on him to make it impossible for the warlock to track him by normal means. If Asmodeus thought that he would shy away from more unconventional kinds of magic to find Alexander – and _no_ , they were not illegal, thank you very much, Jace – he was obviously completely wrong.

So, after weeks of trying, he finally found a way to locate his beloved shadowhunter, and it turned out that he had been right in front of their noses all along. He was still in New York, so Magnus immediately went to find him and learn as much as possible about his new life without the most important people from his past (although the warlock wasn't sure if he was still part of that elaborate group of people). 

The new Alec was as mundane as it gets. He was a college student majoring in business with a part-time job as a personal trainer (the excess Nephilim energy had to go somewhere considering his otherwise ordinary life, Magnus assumed). Everything seemed normal – some would dare to say boring. But even this mundane version of him still stood out like a light in the dark to Magnus. Even without all of his usual gear – but still with his old sweaters – the warlock could make out the shadowhunter in him by the way he walked resolutely with long strides. And even without everything else that used to be so entirely _Alec_ , he still made his heart race.

So it was safe to say that Magnus couldn't stay away for too long.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec meet for the first time (or not really the first time, but you get what I mean).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's me again. I really wanted to post the first real chapter of this fic as soon as possible, so here it is. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, and I kinda just come up with the whole plot as I go, so if you have any suggestions I'd love to hear them. Enjoy!

_Left hook, right hook, duck and kick. Left hook, right hook, duck and kick._ This definitely had to be one of the most boring afternoons at the gym in quite a while. Alec didn't have any clients for the rest of the day, he had put all the weights back into place since some people simply left them wherever they had used them and he basically had the gym all to himself. The weather outside was horrible. It was pouring rain and from time to time he thought he even heard thunder in the distance. He supposed that everyone had decided to stay home to have a lazy afternoon in front of the TV – something people other than himself would call relaxing.

Relaxing to him was something entirely different though. He liked the feeling of being completely drained of the nervous energy that usually lingered right below his skin. Working out seemed to be the only thing that made it go away – at least temporarily. Even the most challenging workout couldn't make the buzz disappear for longer than the duration of his exercise, and although he had gotten used to it, he was happy about even the shortest relieve from it.

Just as he was about to throw his fist at the punching bag once again he heard the door of the training room open. He took a few deep breaths in order to calm himself down a bit and was met with a sight to behold as he turned around.

The man who had just entered the room was wearing light grey sweat pants and a tight-fitting black tank top which showed off his muscular arms in the most perfect way and even hinted at the abs that must be hiding underneath it.

After his initial short-circuit, Alec realized that he was probably gaping at the man like a fish so he closed his mouth (which he hadn't noticed opening) and tried his best not to look like an absolute idiot.

“Uhm... Hi,” he said after deciding that he could at least greet the man he was just blatantly staring at. He felt a blush creeping up his neck onto his face and silently cursed his body for it. He only hoped that the exertion from his workout had turned his face slightly red anyways so that no one would be able to tell.

“Hello,” the other man said and sent him a small smile. Something about him seemed oddly familiar, but Alec couldn't put his finger on it. He was sure that if he had met someone this handsome before he would remember it, especially since the man had perfectly styled hair and wore minimal make up – even to the gym. He definitely wasn't someone you'd forget easily.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Alec remembered that he was actually working at this gym so he was supposed to greet and show new members around. “So...” he started hesitantly, “have you – uhm - been here before?”

He knew that he kept averting his eyes but he couldn't seem to form a proper sentence while looking at the man across the room. _What the hell is going on?_ , he thought. _Get a grip on yourself. You're practically an adult and you're struggling to even get a simple question out._

“Actually no,” the other man replied. “I'm kind of new in the area.”

“Oh, okay. Do you... want me to show you around? Or show you how to use some of the equipment?”

The other man was looking at him in a strange way with a mixture of relief, sadness and maybe even a little bit of despair underneath it all in his brown eyes. What was throwing Alec off even more was that he felt the exact same way, even though he didn't understand why. This guy was only a stranger. Maybe a handsome stranger, but still just a stranger.

After a few moments of silence, Alec realized that he hadn't even introduced himself so he blurted out “Oh, I work here - by the way! That's why I could show you around. But I mean I don't have to if you don't want to. If you just wanna work out without instructions that's fine. Either way is fine.” 

He knew that he was rambling but he couldn't seem to stop. His blush from before hadn't had a chance to fade yet and it surely wasn't going anywhere soon. _Get. A. Grip. Man._

Surprisingly, the man across the room didn't look at him as one would look at a total freak. He looked like he was trying very hard to suppress a laughter. He just grinned and said “I'm Magnus.”

“Alec,” the taller one huffed out. He still felt a bit thrown off by the presence of the new guy – Magnus, apparently – but he couldn't exactly figure out why. 

“Thanks for the offer, but I think I'm just going to stay with the punching bag today, so there's no need for a whole tour of this place,” he declined politely and sent him another one of his small smiles. 

_Great, he probably realized that I was staring at him earlier and decided to talk to the strange guy as little as possible_ , Alec thought.

Magnus walked over to the punching bag next to his and started taking off his numerous rings and putting them into the bag he had carried inside with him in order to put bandages on his hands. Alec noticed how he slid them off over his black-painted nails and got the strange feeling that this wasn't the first time he had seen someone do this.

But then again, he had never had a girlfriend, let alone a boyfriend who had worn nail polish, he was an only child and his mother had died when he was only an infant, so where would he have seen someone doing that?

“So...” Magnus' voice shook him out of his thoughts. As he looked up from his fingers, Alec realized that he must have been caught staring at him _again_. “You said you work here?” Magnus asked apparently genuinely interested in the answer, even if Alec couldn't fathom why that would be the case.

“Uh, yeah. Only part-time though,” he replied not so eloquently. He started turning back towards his own neglected punching bag as to not further embarrass himself, but the other man didn't seem to be annoyed by his awkwardness yet.

“That's nice. What do you do in your remaining time?” he asked while carefully wrapping his hands in bandages. _His very beautiful hands_ , Alec's mind supplied.

“Oh, I... I'm a college student.” He thought about telling him about his major for a second, but he figured that Magnus wouldn't care about it anyways (not because he seemed rude, but because Alec's life was simply not that interesting), so he decided to leave it at that. Plus his brain suddenly needed an extra five seconds for every reply, which is why he deemed it better not to talk too much without being asked to.

“What's your major?” Magnus continued his questions, seemingly unfazed by the strange behavior of the other man.

“Business,” Alec replied.

Magnus had finished wrapping his hands and Alec was looking at him again. His palms had gotten increasingly sweaty since Magnus had entered the room and it had absolutely nothing to do with his workout.

After the few moments his brain needed to catch up to Magnus' previous words, he realized that he hadn't asked him anything about himself yet, and since the brown-eyed man was apparently trying to make small talk with him, he jumped at the first bit of information his mind supplied in order to keep the conversation going (because _really_ , why shouldn't he use all possible excuses to talk to a good looking guy?).

“You're new in the area?”, Alec asked and spared Magnus another glance, tilting his head to the side in thought.

Magnus looked up from his own hands which were now properly prepared for a boxing session and smiled at Alec. Even though his smile was of course beautiful, Alec couldn't shake the feeling that he was hiding something else behind it which dimmed it a bit. He wasn't going to ask him about it though – they had only just met, after all.

“Well, I actually live in Brooklyn, but I never spend time in Manhattan so I'd consider myself 'new to the area'. I heard my friends raving about this gym though, so I decided to give it a try since I don't live that far from here. I can see now why they enjoy spending time here if the company is always this nice,”, Magnus replied with a mischievous grin which flustered Alec even more.

“I – Uhm... It – It's a really nice gym,” he finally settled on replying. His face was probably the color of a tomato by now (a not very cute tomato one might add), so he decided to focus on the punching bag in front of him.

A few moments after he had gone back to hitting the punching bag, Magnus started his workout as well and Alec couldn't stop himself from sneakily looking over every now and then. Magnus exuded an amount of confidence Alec had only ever dreamed of. Maybe that was the reason why he had immediately felt so intrigued by this man he had only just met – because he possessed the kind of self-assurance Alec had never had himself.

* * *

Alec had gotten completely lost in his thoughts during his workout until he caught the image of Magnus unwrapping his bandages from the corner of his eye.

“Are you done already?”, Alec asked trying to mask his disappointment as best as he could.

“Already?” Magnus laughed incredulously. His smile really did all kinds of things to Alec. He wished he could give a name to them, but the only words that surfaced in his mind were ones that were entirely inappropriate considering he had just met this man.

“I've been here for almost two hours!” he continued.

“Two hours?” Alec asked, his eyes widening. “Wow, I must've really gotten lost in my thoughts then.” He absentmindedly ran a hand through his unruly hair and wiped some beads of sweat off his forehead in the process. Now that Magnus had mentioned how long he must've been working out already, he could clearly feel his muscles growing more tired by the minute.

Magnus was still looking at him with an incredulous expression, but chose to say nothing.

“Well, it was a pleasure meeting you. Do you... I don't know, maybe want to get a coffee sometime?” Magnus asked and Alec was utterly perplexed. Was he - _**Magnus**_ \- seriously asking him out?

“I – what?” was all Alec's brain was able to supply right at that moment. “Me?”

“Of course you,” Magnus replied obviously amused by his reaction. He was smiling at him again, but the look in his eyes conveyed much more than just simple politeness or even attraction. Alec could see that he was serious, and that the man really wanted him to accept his invitation.

Why was a guy like Magnus looking at Alec like that? Surely he must be mistaken? Or maybe he was suffering from an injury – a really, really bad concussion or something.

“So?” Magnus asked again since Alec had gotten lost in his thoughts for probably the hundredth time that day.

“Uhm – Yes?” It came out more like a question than an actual answer, but Magnus seemed content with it so Alec couldn't care less about how embarrassing this whole conversation was – at least on his part.

“Great,” Magnus said and sent him a huge grin. Right in that moment Alec decided that Magnus' smile was very likely one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

“How about tomorrow? Three o'clock in that lovely coffee shop across the street from here?” he enquired with his eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation.

“Sure,” was all Alec could reply. His vocabulary had been incredibly decimated by Magnus' presence. He still couldn't grasp everything that was happening right then and there.

“I'm looking forward to it. Goodbye, Alexander,” Magnus said and moved to leave the room with his grin still in place. Alec hadn't even noticed that he had finished pulling his bandages off but that shouldn't be too surprising considering his current state of mind.

Moments after Magnus had left, Alec was still standing in front of his punching bag, completely perplexed. It took him a minute to even realize that the other man had called him by his full name – which he hadn't even told him - when he had said goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter - let me know what you think about it! Hopefully I'll be able to have another chapter ready by Monday (comments and kudos might make me write faster - just putting it out there ;) ). And as always, comments and kudos are like cookies (the insanely good chocolate ones). xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets a bit lost in his thoughts and basically oversleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back! I wasn't really gone for that long, but I've been insanely busy with my summer job and a festival I went to, so I only got around to writing another chapter today. It's not too long, but hopefully I'll find more time to continue writing in the next few days. Enjoy!

After spending what felt like forever in the gym next to Alec, Magnus finally stepped outside onto the sidewalk and breathed in some fresh air. The summer wasn't completely over yet, but the air was slowly beginning to get a bit crisp in the nicest way possible, so as he began walking in search of an alley or another place where he could summon a portal, he put on his favorite leather jacket.

Actually, it wasn't really _his_ , but he figured since Alec wasn't exactly going on any demon hunts in the foreseeable future, he wouldn't miss it as part of his gear.

More accurately, he wouldn't miss it at all, since he couldn't even remember it in the first place, but Magnus was too stubborn to let that thought ruin his otherwise enjoyable afternoon. He had gotten to talk to Alexander for the first time in weeks, and even if it stung more than he'd like to admit when he obviously didn't recognize him, he still caught him sneakily looking at him as if he was trying insanely hard to figure something out, so he supposed that _maybe_ there was still a part of his brain that remembered him. 

Maybe Asmodeus had taken all of his shadow world related memories, but Magnus was convinced that even a Prince of Hell isn't able to rob someone of their feelings. Assuming Alec still felt the same as Magnus after their breakup, of course.

Magnus pushed the thoughts about his possibly now unrequited feelings aside and focused on the more pressing matters at hand.

Alec had agreed to go on a date with him.

The logical part of his brain still wasn't entirely sure if this was a good idea – actually, it was quite sure that it wasn't – but as soon as he had started stuttering replies to Magnus' questions with that adorable blush blooming on his cheeks, he just couldn't hold himself back.

Even if he still hadn't found a way to give Alexander his memories back, he could at least spend some time with him in the meantime – right?

The sun was slowly setting as Magnus made his way past shops and passers-by. He took a turn into an abandoned alley and whispered a quick glamouring spell. Even if nobody should walk into this specific alley right at that moment, it didn't hurt to make sure that no mundanes would call the police in order to report a man vanishing into thin air in a creepy alleyway.

As soon as the glamour had started doing it's work, he conjured up a portal that would take him right into his loft. He took a step forward and only a moment later Chairman Meow was already rubbing his head at his boots.

“Hi Chairman, did you miss me?” Not really expecting an answer from his cat, he moved towards the kitchen to feed the Chairman and make himself a cup of coffee. He conjured up some cat food into the Chairman's bowl with the flick of his wrist and turned towards the coffeemaker. 

He hadn't touched it in weeks – more precisely since his fight with Alec. At first he couldn't even bring himself to look at it, but he also couldn't just magic it away, so he kind of left it sitting there for whenever he was ready to either throw it out or use it again.

 _Or until someone else would use it again_ , a quiet voice whispered in his mind.

Anyways, since things had gone considerably well with Alexander, he could as well just get it over with and make himself a coffee instead of stealing it from a café in Paris like he usually does. 

As the coffee machine started grounding the coffee beans, he couldn't help himself but think back to all the times he had smelled this before.

All the mornings he had woken up to an empty bed, only to be greeted with a steaming cup of coffee when he finally made it out of bed and into the kitchen. And the soft smile that was always directed at him when he took the cup into his hands. How he would reach up to gently brush a few unruly strands of hair back from his Nephilim's forehead, a smile gracing his own lips as well. He would feel a soft touch at his waist pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and Alexander would lean down to kiss him good morning in the sweetest way possible. 

His heart started fluttering just at the thought of it.

By the time he was able to stop thinking about just _how_ lovely these good morning kisses used to be, his coffee was ready. He added some milk to it with another flick of his wrist (it's not stealing if the milk comes from his own fridge, duh) and made his way to the library.

He had another long night of research on how to restore memories taken by a demon ahead of him.

* * *

It was already noon by the time Magnus woke up right where he must've fallen asleep sometime in the early morning hours. He blinked a few times and slowly lifted his head from his desk to stretch his neck a bit. Sleeping in an office chair – even a ridiculously huge one – with your head pillowed on a hard wood desk apparently wasn't too great for your neck and your back.

As he sat up he noticed how tense all of his muscles really were, so he decided to take a quick hot shower in order to relieve some of the soreness he felt. 

Without even wasting a thought to what time it currently was, he strode over to his en suite bathroom and quickly discarded his clothes. He decidedly avoided a look into the mirror because he could already guess how tired and awful he must look.

Magnus turned on the shower and stepped right under the stream. The water had the perfect temperature and he couldn't resist tilting his head back in order to let it wash the last few bits of tiredness off of his face. He had never been the definition of a morning person (or in this case, a _noon_ person), but he couldn't complain too much about getting up when he could spare some time for a morning shower.

He grabbed his sandalwood scented body wash, lathered it up between his hands and covered his body in it. Something about the scent immediately made him feel calm, effectively drowning out all of his worries and thoughts that would surely return as soon as he stepped out of the shower again. For now, however, it was simply nice to allow himself to relax for a few moments.

As the room continued to fill with steam, he let out a small sigh and washed the remains of the body wash off. Without the tension from his muscles, he already felt significantly better.

After turning off the water, he stepped out of the shower again onto his fluffy rug. Deciding that even manually drying off would be too much of a hassle right now, he simply moved his hand in an elaborate gesture and barely a second later he was no longer wet and dressed for the day. He had decided on tight-fitting black jeans and a maroon dress shirt paired with several necklaces on a whim, but sparing a look into the mirror, he approved of his spontaneous decision.

Since morning breath decidedly wasn't cute at all, Magnus quickly brushed his teeth and then went on to doing his makeup. His mind was still in that calm and a bit dizzy state after having just gotten up, but _something_ told him that it'd be better to not go overboard with his makeup today.

_Right, because I don't want to scare off this mundane version of Alexander. Wait – What?!_

He completely discarded the makeup brush he was currently holding and ran back to the library to find his phone. 

3:08 pm. _Fuck._

He magicked the remaining makeup he hadn't gotten to doing yet onto his face and summoned his black trench coat. Hopefully Alexander wouldn't be too mad at him for being late. Or worse – hopefully he hadn't left yet.

Without wasting any more time, Magnus conjured up a portal that would take him right to the street next to the café they were meeting at.

He had a date to get to, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope your liked this chapter, if you did (or didn't) please leave me a comment to tell me what you thought about it. Also, I feel like there's not too many people who are actually eager to know how the story continues, but just in case you _are_ one of them, make sure to tell me and I promise I'll publish the next chapter faster than this one.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec starts to doubt if his date will show up and gets a pleasant surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY. This chapter took me so long and I actually had to cut the date in half (or a third and two thirds?) because it's already so long. I saw the chance to end this one with a **very** slight cliffhanger, so I took it. Enjoy!
> 
> *Sidenote: I know that the plot is very book related, but there is absolutely no other Alec imaginable for me than Matt, so I didn't go with blue eyes for this one - I hope you don't mind.

It was five minutes past 3 pm when Alec began doubting if Magnus would show up to their coffee date. It shouldn't be that surprising to him considering how he had initially wondered why Magnus would ask someone like him out in the first place, but he had tried his best to shut these thoughts out.

He knew that he himself was nothing special. Sure, he was quite tall – taller than most people – so he usually stood out due to that, but otherwise there was absolutely nothing about him that was worth looking at twice. Additionally, he had a complete lack of interest for anything considered fashion or beauty related, so his ordinary clothing wasn't going to attract any looks either (which was kind of the point of it).

Despite all of his usual self doubts, he had tried to remain as optimistic as possible about this date. He didn't have too much experience with this kind of stuff (well, maybe _none_ was more fitting), but he figured going on this date couldn't be too horrible so why not give it a try. The fact that there was no way he could ever turn down an invitation from _Magnus_ was only a bonus.

However, he started regretting that particular train of thought when he was still sitting at his table without any company. Alec had arrived a bit early since he believed to have heard that that was the _proper_ thing to do when you had a date, but that had been years ago and he had never actually had to put that vague knowledge to use, so maybe he was wrong and the right thing to do was to show up five minutes late.

Or six minutes.

Or seven minutes.

Okay, he seriously had to stop looking at his watch.

He managed to tear his gaze away from the watch on his wrist and looked around the room. He had never been to this café before, but it seemed nice enough. A huge bonus was that it was pretty small compared to the size of other coffee shops, and since Alec wasn't the biggest fan of crowds that was totally fine with him.

He definitely wasn't the only one sitting on his own since there were some costumers who looked like they were studying by themselves, but the rest of the tables was occupied by couples, and he couldn't shake the feeling that everyone in this room thought that he had been stood up.

He tried not to overthink things, but... What if he had actually been stood up? 

Magnus was so obviously out of his league that it wouldn't be surprising to anyone – except maybe Alec himself. Magnus had seemed so genuine when he had asked him out. Had that all been just for show?

While Alec proceeded to get lost in his thoughts, a young waitress who seemed to be about his age approached him.

“Hi, can I get you anything?” she asked with a smile that was a bit too enthusiastic for someone who was working a Sunday shift.

“Uh...” Alec had about two seconds to decide on what to do – to leave or to keep waiting – before the waitress would think he's stupid or rude for not answering. In the end, it only took him a split second to decide, though.

“No, thanks, I... I'm waiting for someone.” _At least I think so._

“Alright, I'll collect your order as soon as she's shown up then,” the waitress said with a knowing smile and turned around to leave.

“Oh – uhm... No, it's – it's not -” Alec seemed to be physically unable to finish his sentence. Just as he was about to wish for the ground to open up and swallow him as a whole so he could die from his embarrassment, he noticed the entrance door opening with a bit more fervor than usual and in strode Magnus.

It took Alec a moment to recover from the relieve that had flooded his whole body upon seeing Magnus and he had to blink a few times in order to make sure that he wasn't just imagining this.

But no, Magnus was right there.

He looked a bit flushed, almost as if he had been in a hurry to get here. Only the thought of that possibility gave Alec an amazingly warm and fuzzy feeling in his stomach and made the corners of his mouth curl slightly upwards into a sheepish smile.

He would never admit this to anyone, but when Magnus' searching eyes finally found his, his breath actually hitched.

Magnus looked even better than Alec had expected him to. After all, he had only seen him once before and he was wearing his workout clothes back then, so he didn't really know what to expect.

However, it surely wasn't this.

He looked like he had stepped right out of a fashion magazine (not that Alec would ever read one of those, but at least he guessed that's what male fashion models looked like). Without even meaning to his gaze slipped from Magnus' eyes to his chest which was clad in a nice dress shirt in some darker red-ish color. It was noticeably rising with every breath he took, so the thought that he might actually have hurried to get to this date creeped back into Alec's mind.

Furthermore, there were several necklaces adorning him which made it really hard for Alec not to stare too long at his throat.

After he had torn his gaze away from his neck, he found the other man already throwing him a teeth flashing smile. Alec tried his best not to look too guilty of having just been caught staring at him, but he wasn't sure how well that was working out for him.

As Magnus quickly approached him on light footsteps, Alec couldn't help but give him a lopsided grin.

“Alexander, I am so terribly sorry for being late, please forgive me. This really is completely atypical for myself,” Magnus apologized with a rush of words. “May I?” he asked and touched the chair that was now in front of him and opposite Alec's own.

“Yes, of course,” Alec replied and gestured for Magnus to sit down, because why would he ever decline a request like that? _Especially_ from someone like him.

Magnus took the chair and sat down in one fluid motion, crossing his legs in the process. “I hope you haven't been waiting for too long. Again, I'm so sorry, but I stayed up all night sear-” He abruptly cut off what he was about to say and just looked at Alec for a moment with his chocolate brown eyes boring into his hazel ones.

He wasn't quite sure what he should think of Magnus' sudden halt, but before he could even consider it further, Magnus was already continuing. “I was up all night doing some research for a client,” he finished confidently and smiled at Alec, who immediately blushed at the simple gesture. Why the hell did his face always have to betray his emotions like that? Particularly the kind of emotions he didn't understand too well himself.

“It's – It's okay, don't worry about it. You're here now,” Alec tried to reassure him with a shy smile.

Magnus' whole face lit up at that. “That I am,” he replied with a sly smile. “So, you haven't ordered yet?”

“Uhm – no, I thought I'd wait for you.” Alec looked down onto the table as he lifted his arm to scratch at the back of his neck. He didn't know how he had acquired that particular habit.

“Oh, so you're a real gentleman then.” In other circumstances it could have been a question, but the way in which Magnus said it definitely stated it as a fact, which only made Alec blush even more. _Good God, someone please bring me a bucket full of ice water I could pour over my head_ , he thought.

“I – Uhm... I don't know?” was all he was able to reply looking a bit wide eyed.

Magnus chuckled and continued to smile at his date. “That wasn't a trick question, Alexander, nor was it really a question at all.”

Something strange happened when Alec heard Magnus call him by his full name. He wasn't used to people using it while talking to him in a non-formal setting, but somehow it didn't seem strange that Magnus was calling him Alexander. It made him involuntarily smile to himself while he had averted his gaze from Magnus' eyes back to the table in front of him.

“I know, Mags.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought about this chapter by leaving me a comment (I can guarantee you that it'll make my day). I hope I'll be able to finish the next chapter a lot faster than this one. Thank you for reading xx
> 
> Update (September 5th): I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to publish another chapter, but in addition to my work, moving to a new city and university starting next week a close friend of mine is dealing with some severe problems so I have to be there for her as well. I hope you understand, and PLEASE feel free to leave me comments if you're interested in seeing how this story will continue. Lots of love, Lisa.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The continuation of the date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I can't believe this took me _so_ long to write. I kind of got a bit stuck after the first few paragraphs but thankfully I managed to push through and then everything came together like a well-oiled machine. I hope you like it!
> 
> P.s. It's already kinda late and I'm really tired and too lazy to read through the whole thing once more, so if you find any mistakes or typos, please let me know!

_“I know, Mags.”_

Magnus stared at Alec with his eyes more than just a little wide for what felt like forever. There are few things that would render Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, speechless – especially after having been alive for several lifetimes, but these four letters managed to leave him utterly stunned.

 _Mags_.

While he himself was still unable to find his voice again, he took in Alec's reaction to his own words.

He definitely looked stunned as well, but it wasn't the shocked kind of stunned - it was more of an adorably confused kind of stunned. His eyebrows were furrowed and you could spot a faint line between them where they were being drawn together. As he continued to look at Magnus, his head was slightly tilted to the side in thought.

Since Alec looked about as speechless as Magnus, it didn't seem as if the boy would be the first one to break the silence between them that had already been stretching out for too long. It felt like there was an electric current connecting their eyes, so neither of them was able to look away.

Magnus couldn't take the tension anymore – he had to say something.

“What did you just say?”

Alec continued to look at him for another moment with his uniquely beautiful hazel eyes, until he straightened himself up and opened his mouth to speak. It took some more seconds until he had gathered his thoughts and knew how to respond to a question that would be considered a pretty harmless and straightforward one by anyone _not_ in his current situation.

“Uh... I'm not sure?” His voice went higher at the end, turning a clear statement into a question once more.

Magnus couldn't deal with another moment of this prolonged tension, and it was getting harder and harder to suppress the flicker of hope that had caught fire in him when Alec called him by his pet name, so he decided to be straightforward about it.

“You called me Mags,” he said while his glamoured eyes were boring a hole into the shadowhunter. _Former_ shadowhunter, he couldn't stop himself from thinking.

Which is why he just couldn't let this go. This had been the first hint of Alec remembering literally _anything_ from his former life – from _their_ life – and if there was any chance that his memories would gradually come back, he had to know.

“Yeah, I... I thought maybe it was your nickname? But even if it is, I'm sure only your close friends and family use it, so... I'm sorry, I have no idea where that came from,” Alec apologized and switched around in his seat uncomfortably. He was obviously trying to stay cool in this strange situation they had found themselves in, but the crimson blush on his cheeks betrayed him. He seemed to be minutes away from dying of embarrassment. Magnus tried to keep his disappointment to a minimum when Alec basically confirmed what the warlock had already feared – that he had no idea where the sudden urge to call a guy he's on his first date with by a pet name had originated from.

“It's okay, don't worry about it,” Magnus tried to lighten the mood. “There's actually only one person who calls me that.”

Hundreds of memories flooded his brain at that moment. Memories of Alec calling him Mags while they were watching a horrible movie Magnus had insisted on, snuggled up under a blanket on the sofa in their living room with only the TV and the lights coming through the windows dimly lighting the room. Memories of Alec whispering it already half asleep against Magnus' lips while they lay in bed with all of their limbs entangled, both dead tired and more than ready for some sleep after a long day. And memories of Alec trying to catch his breath while holding his stomach with one arm and using the pet name to scold the other as he couldn't stop laughing at something Magnus had said.

“He's... family,” he continued, looking away from Alec's eyes for the first time since he'd arrived at the café. He was afraid they would give away too much to the boy who played the main part in an abundance of Magnus' favorite memories, but who had no recollection of it at the same time.

But he was telling him the truth. Alexander _is_ family (and yes, _is_ , because there was no way he would ever use the word _was_ in this context).

This whole day definitely wasn't turning out like Magnus had expected it to, and he suddenly realized that if Alec didn't enjoy their time together (which he wouldn't hold against him after Magnus showing up late and them staring at each other in confusion for the better part of the time since their date officially began), this could not only be their first date, but also their last one. The mere thought made the blood in Magnus' veins run cold. 

He had to save this date at all costs, so he put on his biggest smile and tried to turn their whole conversation around.

“Let's not dwell on that,” he said, “I would much rather talk about _you_.”

He gave Alec a flirtatious look which did its job quite well judging by the blush that had originally begun to fade heating up again. Magnus tried to do the gentleman-like thing to do and ignore it, but he couldn't stop his own smile from turning terribly soft at the sight.

“Oh...” He seemed to contemplate if there was anything mildly interesting about his life that he could share with Magnus, but in the end he didn't come up with anything.

“There's not much to talk about, then,” he said and couldn't stop one corner of his mouth from turning upwards when he noticed the way Magnus was looking at him. As if there was nothing in the world he would rather talk about than _him_ (which was of course the case, but Alec didn't need to know that right at that moment).

“Don't be silly,” Magnus reprimanded. “Tell me about yourself. Anything you can think of,” he encouraged his date.

“Well, uhm... I – I guess I could tell you about college, if you want?” he asked unsurely.

Magnus' whole face lit up at that. Even if he could still feel the knot in his stomach that constantly reminded him that this wasn't right, that Alexander shouldn't have to tell him all about his new life only because he couldn't remember his old one, he decidedly ignored it in favor of concentrating on the positive aspects of this whole mess.

Alec was here. Alec was still alive. And although Magnus' hadn't found a way to recover his memories yet, he was determined to do so.

So he smiled at Alexander and said, “Tell me all about it.”

* * *

They had spent hours at the café before the waitress kindly kicked them out because they were closing at 7 pm. What had started out as a more or less awkward, involuntary staring contest with a good pinch of confusion had eventually turned into one of the nicest afternoons Magnus has had in the past few... Weeks? Months? It had certainly been the most fun he's had since returning from his father's hell realm.

He had insisted on paying since Alec was probably a poor college student and Magnus was _supposed_ to be running his own business – something he had quickly made up as the question had arisen – but before he could take the receipt from the waitress' hand, the other man had already snatched it with his quick shadowhunter reflexes. It was sweet, really.

Now, as they stepped outside of the café and onto the sidewalk, he couldn't stop himself from smiling down at his feet. This was all so normal – so _mundane_. Apart from the incident at the beginning of the afternoon, this had been a typical first date. _One that went quite well, if I dare say so_ , he added in his mind.

“So... which way do you have to go?” Alec asked and shook him out of his little reverie.

“Oh, this way”, Magnus responded after focusing his gaze on Alec once again and pointing down the street. It was a relatively quiet side road they were standing on, so they could only see few people walking up and down the street in the distance.

“I'd love to walk you home, but there's this assignment I should've started like... two hours ago, so I'm afraid I really need to get back to my apartment now.” He smiled sheepishly and scratched at the back of his neck which was a telltale sign for his embarrassment.

“I understand,” Magnus smiled back at him in return.

“But I really enjoyed this afternoon. If you... I don't know, I mean – If you feel like...” Alec stammered out, tripping over his own words.

Magnus decided to have mercy on him and cut in. 

“Alexander,” he said and waited for the other's eyes to focus back on him after being glued to his Givenchy boots (which were definitely cute, but surely not _that_ interesting). As soon as they did, he continued with a big grin on his face. “I'd really like to see you again as well.”

Alec seemed to process his words for a moment until he broke into a huge smile too.

“Yeah, I'd love that,” he responded with sparkling eyes.

Magnus quickly magicked a small sheet of paper into his back pocket and took it out to scribble his phone number onto it.

“Here,” he said and handed it to Alec. “Call or text whenever you feel like it.” 

“But don't wait too long,” he added with a wink.

Alec looked down at the piece of paper in his hand and huffed out a laugh. “I won't,” he assured him looking up through his lashes.

“Good.” Magnus just couldn't seem to stop himself from smiling, but it was okay, since it seemed like Alec couldn't either.

Magnus hadn't really payed attention to how close they were standing until then. Alec was so close that Magnus actually had to tilt his head up a bit in order to look at him properly.

Although it was barely fall yet, Magnus could feel the cool air wrapping around them. However, even that didn't stop the warm feeling spreading through his whole body at their proximity. He wanted to touch him so badly – to wrap his arms around his neck and pull him close, until there wasn't enough space for a single hair between them, and to lift onto his toes in order to reach the shadowhunter's mouth – but he knew he couldn't.

As if he was reading his mind, Alec's gaze dropped quite obviously from Magnus' brown eyes down to his lips and he seemed to be unable to stop his tongue from darting out to wet his own lips. If it had been the other way around, Magnus was sure that Alec would've squirmed under the intense stare that was currently directed at his own lips.

And Magnus, a _centuries_ old warlock, didn't know what to do. So he just stood there, waiting for Alec to make a move. His own lips were slightly parted and his heart could've won any race in the world at that moment with how fast it was beating.

The moment stretched out between them until Alec finally broke the silence.

“I should... go,” he said quietly, still looking at the other's lips.

“Yeah,” Magnus breathed. It was everything he was able to respond.

Somehow Alec's body didn't seem to have caught the meaning of his own words, because Magnus felt him lean a bit more into his personal space. It was funny, in a way – even if their situation was wildly different now, Alec still appeared to be as drawn to him as he was when they first met.

After another moment, Alec finally tore his gaze away from Magnus' lips and looked into his eyes.

“I'll text or call you,” he stated, and Magnus was quite sure that he said it in order to force himself to actually do so in the future. He probably feared that the resolve he was currently feeling would soon subside and make way for doubts.

“Do that,” Magnus encouraged him after regaining his breath which he hadn't noticed he'd been holding this whole time.

“Alright... I'll talk to you soon, then,” Alec said and gave him one of his most beautiful smiles which Magnus just _had_ to reciprocate.

“I can't wait. Goodbye, Alexander.” He gave him one last smile and turned to leave.

“Goodbye, Magnus,” he heard Alec say behind him and he could swear that he could hear the smile that was plastered onto his face as he said it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Comments and kudos are like cookies!_ And as always, feel free to leave me any suggestions or wishes in the comments. Hope you liked it, and I'll try to update as soon as possible (should I happen to be extremely busy I'll let you know if the next chapter gets delayed either here in the notes as an update or as a reply to someone's comment). Lots of love xx
> 
> Update 9/22/17: Yeah well you've probably already guessed it, but I have absolutely 0 time for writing at the moment, so I can't update the story, even though i reeeeeally want to. I have exams coming up in 1 1/2 weeks and I'm 100% sure I'm gonna write the next chapter after those are done.  
> Also, I don't know if my writing got worse/you don't enjoy the plot anymore/you're too lazy to comment (like me most of the time haha), but I'd REALLY appreciate some comments so I know I'm still on the right path with this.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec can't stop thinking about a certain man and finally stops overthinking for a single second, and that's all it really takes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god please don't hate me! *hides under a blanket*
> 
> I know I promised an update wayyyyy sooner, but university is crazy and since it's my first semester it's even more taxing than usual. I always had this story in the back of my mind and now I _finally_ got to write and publish another chapter. It's not super long, but it's still longer than I anticipated it to be, so I hope you don't mind. Enjoy!

It had been what you could mildly call a rough morning for Alec when he finally settled down onto his bed. He hadn’t slept particularly well after his thoughts kept drifting off to how he had spent the evening – or specifically, with _who_ he had spent it.

The whole date felt like a dream to him. Even though he knew that it obviously wasn’t, he simply couldn’t believe that he had spent _an entire evening_ with probably the most gorgeous man he’d ever meet.

What was throwing him off even more, however, was the fact that Magnus apparently wanted to see him again. He couldn’t think of one single reason why that could be what he genuinely wanted, but well… Magnus had said so himself, so who was Alec to doubt his sanity?

Even with the whole evening feeling decidedly surreal to him, there was one specific moment he kept replaying in his head.

He had been so close.

So unbelievably close.

Why hadn't he just leant in?

Even thinking about it now made Alec want to throw his head against a wall. In lieu of doing so, he lifted his hands and rubbed them across his face until he let himself fall back completely onto his bed. He spread his arms and stared at the ceiling.

He could’ve kissed Magnus. He was even pretty sure that Magnus himself wouldn’t have objected. But somehow, those last few inches between them had suddenly felt like they were worlds.

Alec couldn’t find an explanation for what he had felt in that moment. He wanted to kiss him - _really_ wanted it – but something held him back. The more he thought about it, the more confused he got.

It was probably for the best to just drop it and focus on something else – like the fact that Magnus wanted to see him again. And that Magnus wanted him to text or call him.

And Alec had absolutely no idea how to handle these facts. Sure, he’d gone out with some guys before, but nothing serious ever came out of it. In fact, he couldn’t even remember their names anymore.

But Magnus was different. Alec was 100% sure that he could _never_ \- not in a hundred years – forget about him.

And it wasn’t even only about his looks. Yes, Magnus looked like he had jumped straight out of an expensive perfume commercial, but it was more than that. The way that he seemed to be genuinely interested in Alec and his life – even the most boring parts – still baffled him. Why would anyone like Magnus ever waste a single thought on someone like Alec?

This was a totally valid point, but Alec decided not to go down that road again since he’d already done that multiple times in the time span between his arrival back home after the date and now.

After staying up for hours past his usual bedtime because he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about Magnus, he woke up dead tired when his alarm had violently ripped him out of his deep sleep. What was even worse was the fact that he soon realized that he had completely forgotten about the assignment he had told Magnus he had to finish the night before.

He had still had two hours until the deadline, so he had made a whole can of coffee and forced himself to concentrate enough to at least do a half decent assignment he wouldn’t get an F on.

He couldn’t believe how he’d just forgotten about it the night before. Of course he wasn’t a total nerd, but if he knew he had to hand in his work by a set date, he _never_ procrastinated, let alone forgot about it. If there were any assignments or stuff like that, Alec made sure to actually get it done ahead of time.

However, his mind had apparently been so wrapped up in everything _Magnus_ that it managed to suppress his sense of duty completely, which is why he was now lying flat on his back after having three cups of coffee and finishing an assignment that should’ve taken him several hours in only two.

He was exhausted.

And still, the first thing that came to his mind was Magnus. That he could tell Magnus how he felt. And ask him how he was.

But in order to do so he had to text or call him first which was a whole other story.

He was likely overthinking once again, but how was he supposed to initiate a conversation with someone as out of his league as Magnus?

Their date had been fine – more than fine, actually – but Alec had not once been the one to come up with a conversation topic, he had only answered the other’s questions and asked about him in return, but this was different.

 _Okay, pull yourself together, Lightwood. Don’t make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is_ , he thought.

He grabbed his phone from his pocket and opened his contacts. He had saved Magnus’ number he had scribbled on a slip of paper almost immediately after walking through his front door. And now the time had come to actually make use of it.

He stared at the string of numbers for another moment until he thought _Fuck it_ and quickly tapped on it before he could change his mind.

The next few moments were probably one of the most nerve-wrecking ones he had ever had to live through.

He tried to not think about anything to stop himself from freaking out, but even focusing on the periodical rings that were coming through his phone’s speakers couldn’t calm his racing heart or make his palms less sweaty.

After what felt like an eternity, someone finally picked up.

“Hello?” a familiar voice came through.

“Hi, uhm… it-it’s me, Alec,” he said and immediately wanted to slap his hand onto his face (and if he actually did, no one would ever know because he was currently the only one in his bedroom).

“Alexander, what a pleasant surprise! To what do I owe the honor?” Magnus replied enthusiastically, not even acknowledging the fact that Alec couldn’t even form a simple coherent greeting, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling absentmindedly at that.

“Oh – uhm, I was… I was actually just thinking about you so I thought I’d call and see how you were.” And once again, Alec wanted to bury himself somewhere deeeeeeeep underground where no one would ever find out that he was probably the un-smoothest person to ever walk this earth.

To his surprise, Magnus didn’t laugh or seem irritated at that, though.

On the contrary: Alec could picture the slight blush that was likely adorning his cheeks right now and he was convinced that he could hear Magnus’ beautiful smile when he replied. Now Magnus seemed to be the one thrown off by their conversation for once.

“Oh – that… that’s very sweet of you, Alexander,” he said, sounding a bit stunned (as to why, Alec had no idea). He composed himself before continuing to speak.

“Well, a very handsome man I had a great first date with just called me just to ask me how I’m doing, so I’d say I’m fabulous at the moment,” he teased. “What about you?”

Alec couldn’t find it in himself to repress the stupid grin that was slowly spreading across his face.

“I’m a bit tired, but other than that I’m good. I couldn’t fall asleep last night,” he said.

“Me neither! What was keeping you awake?” Magnus asked.

“Uhm – well… you know, this and that… stuff,” Alec replied eloquently. He couldn’t really tell a guy he’d been on a single date with that the thought of him had kept him awake for hours, rolling around in his sheets, could he?

Just like he had been able to hear Magnus’ smile over the line before, he could hear his knowing smirk now.

“ _This and that_ , hm?” he tried to dig deeper.

“Yup. And you? What was keeping you awake?” Alec deflected.

“Oh, you know, this and that… _stuff_ ,” he replied teasingly.

Although Magnus couldn’t see him anyways, he couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes, even when he still had that stupid grin on his face.

When Alec didn’t reply immediately, Magnus continued talking.

“Anyways… you know how I asked you out on that date?” Magnus asked.

“Uhm… yeah?” Alec replied tentatively. He had no idea what Magnus was getting at.

“Well, technically it’s your turn now to ask, if you wanna see me again,” Magnus said half teasing and half serious, and Alec couldn’t hold a laugh back.

“Oh, so that’s how it works?” he asked, chuckling.

“Exactly,” the other replied with amusement clear in his voice.

“Since when?” Alec asked, still smiling like a complete dork and not being able to keep a slight chuckle completely out of his voice.

“Since now!” Magnus replied, his laughter breaking free as well.

“I see… So, what would you say about going out for dinner? Maybe tomorrow night?” Alec asked.

“I’d say that I’d absolutely love that,” the other replied, sounding absolutely genuine.

If Alec had thought it was impossible for his smile to grow even more, he had been decidedly wrong.

“Great! I’ll see you tomorrow then. I’ll text you the address,” Alec said.

“Do that. See you tomorrow, Alexander,” Magnus replied, sounding very content with himself.

“See you,” he said before ending the call.

And if Alec continued to lie on his bed for another hour, spread out like a starfish and utterly stunned by how he had gotten a man like Magnus to go on a date with him - _let alone a second one_ \- no one would ever know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter in approximately an hour and didn't proof-read at all so if you find any typos or something _please_ let me know. I'd love to hear what you think about this story/chapter! And i have an IMPORTANT QUESTION: Is the current length of the chapters fine or would you prefer longer ones? Please let me know whatever you prefer xx <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day that has a few surprises in store for Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't even try to justify why it took me so long to publish another chapter, and I won't make any promises as to when I'll be able to write another one, but just know that this is always in the back of my mind and I'm happy that there are a few people enjoying this.

The following day held some surprises for Magnus.

“Magnus Bane, I swear if you don’t open the door right now I’ll ruin your favourite pair of boots!”, a voice thundered through the door, accompanied by loud knocking.

Magnus, who had just been sitting on his couch drinking a cup of tea, startled at the sudden noise from outside his apartment. It didn’t take him long to figure out who the voice belonged to either – he had heard a pair of probably very expensive high heels stalking towards his door only seconds before, with the sound of heavy boots following.

Deciding his poor boots weren’t worth the risk, he set his cup down and moved to open the door. Even Chairman Meow seemed to be confused at the sudden disturbance.

He didn’t even get to ask what was going on before Isabelle had already asked him, “What do you think you’re doing?”, and stalked past him with another determined Lightwood trailing behind her.

“What?”, Magnus asked with a furrowed brow. “What do you think _you’re_ doing, stalking into my apartment like that?”

Isabelle and Jace seemed entirely unimpressed.

“Have you been seeing Alec?” Jace simply asked. His whole appearance looked ice-cold and stoney.

Magnus eyes got slightly wider. “What?”, he asked.

“He said,” Isabelle responded, crossing her arms in front of her body, “if you have been seeing Alec. And don’t bother denying it, it’s really just a rhetorical question, because we already know anyways.”

Once again, Magnus had no idea how to respond to that. He knew that he was supposed to stay away, that his father could find out and be seriously pissed about it, but how was he supposed to do that? To stay away from Alec? It seemed like a whole new level of torturing to him.

“Magnus,” Isabelle continued exasperatedly, “you know that we need to stay away from him. If your father gets wind of this –“

“I know!”, Magnus couldn’t help but scream. “I know, Isabelle, and I also know exactly what my father could do.”

She looked at him with so much compassion then that it almost hurt. “You know this isn’t fair to him,” she tried to make him see reason. “You can’t just start over with this new version of him that doesn’t remember anything that happened – not only in Edom, but also between the two of you before that.”

Magnus heart clenched at the harsh reminder of the time they’d been apart before he was taken to Edom. How stupid he had been. He had wasted precious time with Alec because he was hurt and didn’t let the other man explain himself, and then it was already too late.

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” he tried to make them see. He was standing in his own living room facing two under-aged Shadowhunters – he should be at an obvious advantage, but instead he just felt like running away from this conversation.

Isabelle and Jace gave him a look. It was obvious that they didn’t really believe Magnus, up until Isabelle’s eyes turned the slightest bit softer and she lowered her voice and said, “You’re trying to bring him back, right? His memories.”

Magnus gulped and nodded. He didn’t know how to put what he was feeling – or thinking – in that moment into words, but he saw that Izzy understood.

“This is a dangerous endeavour you’ve taken to, you know that, don’t you?” Jace asked, one eyebrow quizzically raised.

“I know”, he responded.

At that, Izzy sent him a sad smile. “But you just can’t stay away, can you?”

Magnus didn’t even need a split second to think about the answer to this question.

“No, I can’t.”

“Then take care of yourself,” she said before moving to leave. 

“And of him,” she added before eventually leaving with Jace in tow.

* * *

Only hours after the two Shadowhunters had left Magnus feeling unsettled, he was just about to make himself another cup of tea as the other one had gone cold while they had been talking, when a fire message appeared on his kitchen table. 

_I forgot to say it earlier, but if you need help – let me know. Jace_

He wasn’t a fool, he knew that both of them had been looking for a way to get their brother back too. It was only that he was the only one who couldn’t stay away while doing so.

On the one hand side, he knew that it was a dangerous game he was playing. If his father found out and decided that he hadn’t stirred things up enough yet, it could very well end badly. But on the other hand side, he also knew that he barely cared about the mundane world at all. He preferred to keep to his own realm, so the chances of him getting involved again weren’t quite as high as one could think.

And honestly, even if it put Magnus’ own life in danger, he wouldn’t stop searching for a way to bring Alec back - _his_ Alec – under any circumstances.

And that was how he found himself leaning over his old leather-bound books once again that afternoon. He had already entertained the idea of involving a demon or potions to bring Alec’s memories back, but both options didn’t seem very promising.

He had been looking through one of Ragnor’s old books, when he came across it – a spell.

Not just any spell, of course. It looked like it needed a little bit of tweaking (okay, maybe a lot), but it genuinely looked like it could work. 

He tried to keep his hopes down – it wasn’t sure if he would be able to make the necessary changes, and even then no one could promise that it would actually work and bring Alec’s memories back – but at least it was a start.

Before he could get too much into working on the spell, however, it was time to leave for his date with Alec.

His pulse had sped up immediately as soon as he had texted him the address of the restaurant they were going to meet at. It was the exact place where they had always gone out to for dinner, a small restaurant right in the middle between his apartment in Brooklyn and the Institute.

Even if Alec couldn’t remember why he liked that restaurant in particular, Magnus could, and there was nothing that could stop him from smiling all the way there.

 _First the fun, then the work,_ he thought to himself as he stepped inside.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec's second date (and lots of Magnus introspection)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. _I'm alive_. Life is difficult and awesome and blah blah blah, we all know how the story goes about being too busy to update. _**But**_ I finally managed to find the time to write again. As always, it's not much, but I literally had to reread my own fic cause I had forgotten huge parts of it, so let's just be happy that I managed to post this lol. I fixed some typos/general errors along the way, so I hope everything makes sense now. Have fun reading and leave me a comment!
> 
> P.S. I can't believe this has almost 4000 hits and so many kudos and comments, _especially_ because I never update, but THANK YOU

Magnus made his way into the restaurant and immediately knew where to look for Alec. After all, this wasn't the first time the two of them had been there. 

Naturally, it didn't take him long to find him. He was already sitting at the table they usually occupied, and Magnus restrained from thinking about how Alec still knew all of these little things – even unconsciously. It gave him hope that he – the old Alec – wasn't completely gone yet. And with the prospect of possibly finally having found a spell that could bring his memories back, Magnus wasn't all that pessimistic about the whole affair.

That dismissed the reality that kept nagging at the back of his mind, however. People always say that you're always smarter in hindsight, but apparently it took the warlock a few hundred years to realize it too.

Alec and him had broken up, before this mess happened. Before Edom happened. By now, Magnus' hurt and anger had subsided and left him with only one cold truth: That Alec had never really intended to take away his immortality, and that Magnus had just been too stubborn to listen. 

Maybe he hadn't even been listening to what he had been saying before the whole affair with Camille – Why else would Alec feel like he needed to talk to her instead of his boyfriend?

Whatever the reason had been, Magnus realized now that all Alec had been trying to do was to understand him better. He knew that he was so used to being closed off, that he never really let anyone other than Catarina, Ragnor and Raphael close, but he'd thought that he'd been doing better with his shadowhunter. Apparently not.

It hurt to think about all of this. It really did. But there was no point in bringing back Alec's memories only to close himself off _again_ , and not try to make things right.

Because if Asmodeus' meddling had done one thing, then it had to be showing Magnus how much he really needed Alec in his life.

So, as Magnus walked over to the other man, tall of these thoughts kept running through his mind until the moment Alec looked up from the drinks menu and spotted him.

It really was a sight to behold. Him sitting there, kind of dressed up, and gracing Magnus with a dazzling smile.

Even while there was so much loss, pain and confusion swirling around his heart, nothing managed to lull him into a sense of love and calmness like Alexander could – even this version without his memories.

There was just something about him Magnus couldn't explain. It's not that he liked this Alec better – there was truthfully no way he could ever love someone more than _his_ Alec – but no matter what his profession was, college student or demon-hunting nephilim – no matter the obvious differences in them; He was still so entirely _Alec_ that it hurt to look at him sometimes. It was confusing, heart-wrenching and even painful, but there was not a single realm in which Magnus would ever be able to keep his eyes off of him, so he didn't even try.

He simply accepted the pain, embraced it for what it was, and decided to hold on to the small flicker of hope that was still burning bright in his chest as he sat down opposite the love of his life.

* * *

As with their first date, time seemed to run more a lot quicker for them than for the other guests. There had not been a single moment of awkward tension in the air, just a nice conversation, a few murmured endearments and soft smiles passing between them.

“You are absolutely _not_ going to pay for this, Alec,” Magnus said as he fixed him with a deathly stare.

Alec pointedly rolled his eyes and gave Magnus a look. “You do realize that I'm not just some poor college student who can't afford a single meal, right? I mean, I do work in the gym – remember?”

“Yes, I do, but there's no way I'm gonna let you pay for this, so you better deal with it or else we're gonna sit here until we're both old and grey,” Magnus retorted.

“I asked you out – I should be the one paying!” Alec insisted.

“Forget it,” Magnus said and snatched the bill from right under Alec's hand. So much for quick shadowhunter reflexes (which Magnus knew Alec still possessed).

“You are truly unbelievable,” Alec huffed out with an exasperated smile.

“Why yes, thank you, darling,” Magnus said with a wink and finally payed.

When they left, they realized that they had to go in opposite directions, but neither of them was willing to let the evening end, even if it was already well past midnight.

“Do you want to walk around for a bit? There's a park right across the street,” Alec asked while they stepped outside and putting on his coat.

“I'd love to,” Magnus replied and they made their way to the small green area which shone in a different light under the stars.

The first time it happened, Magnus thought it had been a coincidence.

The second time, he still put it off as non-intentional.

But the third time Alec's hand brushed his, he couldn't keep telling himself that anymore.

He felt the tingles run up his arm and barely repressed a shudder. When he looked over at Alec, the taller one's eyes were fixed on the ground between them (although there wasn't a whole lot to look at since they were walking so closely).

The warlock realized that Alec might not take the next step – actually taking Magnus' hand in his – so he absentmindedly let his fingers brush Alec's.

The moment he felt Alec's skin on his, he felt the other shift next to him. He straightened up and glanced between their hands and Magnus' eyes a few times before _finally_ grabbing Magnus' slender one in his.

And it felt exactly the way it always had.

Alec's slightly calloused palm against his soft one. His cold rings agains his bare fingers.

It didn't matter in which universe they were; This would never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment and tell me what you think & what you want to happen next!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2.2k of pure fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't even get me started but BOI am I proud of not taking four hundred years until writing another chapter. So, as a means of celebration, have 2.2k of fluff. Pretty sure this is the longest chapter I've written yet. 
> 
> Fun fact: When I started this I was convinced I'd prefer writing from Alec's POV, but somehow I feel like there's a lot more of Magnus' POV rn so yeah.
> 
> The second part of this chapter isn't even proof-read, but I wanted to get this out as fast as possible so please forgive me for any mistakes.
> 
> Without further ado, **enjoy**!

Life was easier with Magnus by his side. They weren't officially dating ( _yet_ ), but they kept spending more and more time together.

Of course, there was all the stuff he was busy with for college. In addition to that, he still helped out at the gym a few times a week, but Alec just couldn't bring himself to see any downsides to spending his free time with Magnus.

Although the other man had begun to open up considerably compared to their first date where all he'd wanted to talk about was Alec, he felt like there was still something that was holding Magnus back. They had had more than one good laugh about stories from all the adventures his best friends and him had (surprisingly) survived, but there wasn't much Magnus had told him about his family, or even his job.

Then again, they had only been informally dating for a three weeks now, so it was probably normal that he hadn't shared everything with him yet – God knows Alec hadn't either.

What _was_ concerning was that even though they hadn't even kissed yet, and Alec felt himself give a piece of his heart to Magnus whenever he so much as smiled or made a dorky comment. He just couldn't help himself.

Magnus was so different from anyone he'd ever known, but he still felt so familiar to him. Holding his hand, simply being near him – it just felt right.

After a particularly taxing day, there was no way anything – or any _one_ \- other than Magnus could cheer Alec up as easily as he did.

“What do you mean there's no food in your fridge?” Alec asked, furrowing his brows and trying to suppress a lovesick smile.

“Well,” Magnus voice came over the line, “I mostly eat out so I never really have groceries at home. Why would I?”

Alec just had to laugh at that. “Are you saying you go out to eat for _every single meal of the day_?”

“Most days, yes.”

“Magnus,” Alec said and closed his eyes while laughing at the ridiculousness of that statement. “We're in New York. How much money do you make with that business of yours?”

Magnus didn't respond immediately, but when he did he sounded the tiniest bit unsure. “Uhm... Enough?” he said.

“You still haven't told me about what you actually do,” Alec said. “Wait, is it something illegal?”

“What? No!” Magnus responded quickly. “You know what? I was trying to tell you to come over and bring some take out with you, but if you'd rather talk about my _very_ boring work life...”

“Forget about it,” Alec said and hurried off his couch. “What do you want? Chinese?”

“That would be amazing, darling. I'll text you my address.”

“See you in a bit,” he responded and cancelled the phone call. 

_Let's go find Magnus his Chinese food and save this otherwise horribly exhausting day._

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Magnus found an incredibly handsome man on his doorstep and couldn't stop himself from grinning back at him.

“Anyone order some Chinese?” Alec asked and held up a plastic bag that was clearly filled with enough food for five people.

Magnus simply smiled and stepped aside to let him in. “Hello, Alexander.”

“Hi,” Alec responded while walking past Magnus and throwing him another smile. How the whole world didn't lie at his feet when he did that - Magnus would never understand.

“Wow,” Alec said wide-eyed when he stopped in the living room and looked around for the first time.

_Not actually for the first time_ , something in the back of Magnus' mind whispered but he quickly shoved the dull pain away before it even got a chance to spread into his mind and ruin their evening.

He had made some progress with the spell that would hopefully bring back Alec's memories, but all the power and knowledge he possessed couldn't help him with this matter. The spell was so ancient that even Magnus had never seen anything like it before. He felt like he was at a dead end right, so he might contact an old acquaintance and try to work it out.

Right now he had to shake himself out of his own thoughts and enjoy the evening with Alec, though. On the one hand, he loved spending time with him – old or new Alec; it didn't matter – but on the other hand, he felt guilty about leaving him in the dark. 

He had to find out sometime, but Magnus was set on perfecting the spell before that.

“Your loft is _amazing_ ,” Alec said from where he was still standing in the living room, craning his neck to look at all the paintings that hung high up on the walls.

“I guess it's fine,” Magnus replied while trying to take his eyes off of Alec's now bare neck and shrugged.

“No, seriously. You really have to tell me what you deal in to make enough money to afford a place like this,” Alec said and chuckled.

“But then the mystery would be all gone,” Magnus said and sauntered over. He stopped right in front of Alec and took a second look at the plastic bag.

“Is that fried rice with pork?” he asked and looked up at Alec.

“Yeah. Bad choice?” he responded, clearly reconsidering, but Magnus just beamed at him. 

“Best choice,” he said. “That's my favorite.”

Alec visibly exhaled and his smile came back. “I must've been lucky.”

“Maybe...” Magnus said and looked away from the taller one's eyes. Constantly getting reminded that they weren't even remotely on the same page felt like a stab to his heart.

Before he could dwell on it though, he grabbed the food and set it on the living room table.

“Have a seat, darling, I'm just gonna grab us something to drink.”

When he returned, Alec had settled onto the couch and looked decidedly comfortable. Magnus put their glasses of wine onto the table and sat down next to Alec.

They devoured everything in under an hour and by the time they were done, Magnus felt entirely at peace with a full stomach, the wine in his hand and the one he loved the most next to him.

He looked across at Alec who looked just as relaxed. “How long can you stay? Do you have to get up early tomorrow?”

“No, my first lecture only starts at 12. Why?” he responded.

“I thought maybe we could watch a movie? If you feel like it.”

Alec gave him a soft smile and set his arm down on the back of the couch, _so_ close to Magnus but not quite close enough to touch.

“I'd love to,” he said. “You pick.”

“Well, if you insist,” Magnus rolled his eyes at him playfully and got up to put in one of his many DVDs. It had been a while since he'd done this by hand, so it took him a bit longer than he cared to admit to actually find the one he had searching for, but then he finally did and they were all set to go.

When he approached the couch again, he quickly tried calculating how short he could keep the distance between them with it still being appropriate while being as close as possible. Before he could come to a decision, Alec had noticed him slowing down and gave him a questioning look.

Magnus didn't know how to respond, but right when he opened his mouth to say _something_ , Alec extended his arm towards him.

Surprised, he looked at his hand and back into the other's eyes. All he could see in them was sincereness and a quiet longing, so Magnus reached out to curl his fingers over Alec's palm and let himself be pulled down onto the couch.

Turns out he hadn't had to worry about his perfect and appropriate spot since Alec had efficiently diminished any remaining space between them when he had tugged him down. Magnus rested his head on his chest while slinging his arm loosely across Alec's waist.

Just a few moments after he had settled, an arm curled around him as well. Magnus let out a breath and savored the moment when an all-encompassing calmness washed over him. He felt Alec pressing a smile into his hair, and for a second he couldn't breathe with so many emotions threatening to burst out of him. It had been so long.

Even so, there was nothing that could ever make Magnus forget how _right_ this felt. Therefore, instead of worrying himself sick about everything going on in their lives, he enjoyed the unexpected moment of pure happiness.

* * *

Only when something rose Magnus from his sleep did he realize that he must have nodded off. Blinking against the sudden brightness of the TV, he pressed his nose into Alec's chest and gave himself a few moments to become fully awake.

When he finally lifted his head and peered at Alec, the other one gave him the softest and sweetest smile ever.

“Hey,” he whispered quietly and reached up to push a few strands of hair out of Magnus' face. He continued to brush his thumb lightly across his cheekbone while keeping his fingers tangled in his hair.

In the meantime, Magnus was positively melting.

“Hey,” he finally responded and gave him a sheepish smile. “I must've been a lot more tired than I'd realized. Sorry for falling asleep on you.”

“No need to apologize. I'll gladly serve as your human pillow whenever you want,” he said and smiled down at him.

“Don't give me ideas,” Magnus responded and couldn't suppress a happy grin. He looked at the time and realized that it had gotten pretty late already.

“The last thing I want is to kick you out, but you you've got a pretty long way home, right?”

“Yeah,” Alec sighed. “I guess I should be getting back. You're right.”

There was absolutely nothing Magnus would've loved more than just keeping Alec here ( _preferably forever_ ), but the last thing he wanted was ruining whatever they had, so he thought it better that way.

As he slowly disentangled himself from Alec's huge frame, his human pillow made a sound of disapproval. Magnus could relate.

They both rose from the couch and Magnus watched Alec put on his shoes and jacket until the other one was ready to go and stepped in front of him.

“This was... great,” Alec said and smiled once again. Magnus hadn't known this new Alec for long, but he knew that letting himself smile more and more had been somewhat connected to himself, so he took special pleasure in seeing the same thing happen now.

“Indeed,” Magnus responded. It was funny, actually. Although Alec had been the grumpy, unhappy one before they first met, Magnus couldn't help but think that it wasn't only him that had begun to sport considerably more smiles.

The warlock had always been good at playing nice and faking smiles, but nothing held more weight than the ones he shared with his shadowhunter – even now.

This was the moment. The one every single love story in movies or books always led up to. To kiss goodnight, or to leave without it and always wondering about the 'what if'.

But right then, at that moment, Magnus couldn't bring himself to do it. He knew the other one wanted it, especially by his hazel eyes repeatedly straying a little lower than Magnus' golden-green ones. But was it even really Alec's choice if there was so much he didn't know? 

The warlock felt bad enough already about spending time with him when everyone had clearly warned him about it, but kissing him and allowing this to go even further than it already had was something Magnus wasn't ready to take responsibility for.

Instead, he stepped into Alec's space until they were chest to chest and slung his arms around his waist. The other one seemed surprised for a second, but then he completely relaxed and raised his own arms to pull Magnus closer. The warlock pressed his cheek into his neck and quietly whispered, “Thank you. Tonight was exactly what I needed.”

Alec let out an amused huff, squeezed him a bit tighter and said, “Nothing to thank me for. There's nothing I'd rather have done tonight.”

They stayed close for _way_ longer than strictly appropriate, but the moment when they entangled themselves from each other still came to soon.

Magnus sighed in regret and opened the door to hold it open for Alec.

“Goodnight, darling. I'll see you soon,” he said and gave him one last smile. His cheeks were starting to hurt from all the times he'd done that tonight, but worse things had happened before.

Alec who obviously didn't want to leave either gave him one last long look, said, “Goodnight, Magnus,” and stepped through the door which the warlock closed behind him.

_So much for not letting this progress any further_ , Magnus thought and headed for his bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me some suggestions/love/hate/news about your life in the comments! Nothing makes my day like the email I get from AO3 whenever someone comments or leaves kudos! x


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